such a dork!

'Elvis made me do it!'

If the record label's press release is to be believed, easy listening fans across the country are in danger of spontaneously losing the ability to regulate their drivings speeds.

This has caused thousands of speeding tickets. In at least eleven states.

Right...

Now, I'm the recipient of more speeding tickets than I care to admit. I hardly constitute a representative sample, but my own experience suggests that speeding is caused by one thing, and one thing alone: a conscious decision to drive faster than the speed limit.

If you're so suggestable that a simple guitar riff can send you hurtling down the road at NASCAR speeds, then I pray to whatever gods might be inclined to listen that you never discover System of a Down.

Or eat a Big Mac. Because we all know the damage suffered by the unwitting victims of cow crack.

Of course, the more astute members of the audience might've noticed something at the very beginning here: I said "press release," not "news story." Which means that this tale of traffic troubles was most likely created by the record label in question, possibly from one or two inciting incidents.

By the way, if you'd like to hear the demon riff, it's playing on their oh-so-professional web page.

Oh, and those thousands of claims across eleven states? Here's the really funny part.

It states in the press release that the company will "pay for some of the fines as a courtesy." Not all fines will be paid, and no guidelines are set forth as to how this determination will be made.

So, if you get a ticket, claim you were listening to this song in the hopes of getting out of the fine while simultaneously boosting their silly PR stunt. And, if no one's watching too closely, they never have to pay any fines, because they can just say that you didn't meet their criteria.

Bonus points, I suppose, for finding a way to recruit the masses of idiots nationwide into your army of willing marketing zombies.

posted by Smitty @ 2:34 PM